Wal-Mart

Was every team parked legally?

We have recently learned of a cold, cold serial killer,

His mysterious factions have proven quite a thriller.

We hope by reading the obituary below,

Off to his final resting place you’ll go.

Cold, Cold Serial Killer Claims Another Victim

???????? -  (1964 - 2013)

Adults view him as clearly fictitious,
But all children know he’s magically delicious.
He’s endured many changes since his first edition,
But today still holds absolutely no nutrition.

Though unlucky in life, his legend’s still told,
At the end of the rainbow lies a large pot of gold.
He’s certainly survived by family and friends,
And luminous charms, their legend transcends.

Cold, Cold Serial Killer Claims Another Victim

???????? - (1971-2013)

Found near his cave, murdered by stones,
No cries for help, for there are no phones.
Believed to be an act of deceit,
The killer escaped by car on his feet.

Was it his dearest, close friend Mr. Rubble?
Or his sweet, pretty wife that caused all the trouble?
All that was heard as the Pebbles crashed down,
Was a BAM and a BAM, as they fell to his crow

Cold, Cold Serial Killer Claims Another Victim

??????? - (1928 - 2013)

We shall all miss seeing them up on our shelves,

The mystical sounds coming from three little elves.

We’ll miss whipping up a marshmallow treat,

Or adding some sugar to make them taste sweet.

Their music will now light up the skies,

The angels above forever apprised.

“Pif” “Paf” “Pof”, and “Knap” “Knetter” “Knak,”

We all grieve the loss of this crisped rice snack

Cold, Cold Serial Killer Claims Another Victim

??????? - (1987 - 2013)

Even Chef Wendell couldn't fake a happy face,

After his sous chefs disappeared without trace.

Their hats and aprons discovered by a girl

Were they off perfecting the cinnamon swirl?

Rumors arose when they were not to be found

Suggesting perhaps that the two had been drowned.

Or were they stuffed in the oven to turn into ash

And promptly thrown out with the morning trash?

The bakery was searched from high to low

The sugar, the crunch and even the dough.

Then a note was found by the whole grain miller,

Signed by none other than our cold serial killer

Cold, Cold Serial Killer Claims Another Victim

??????? - (1951 - 2013)

At 6:01. Police responded to a call

For a victim suffocated by basketball.

Our mascot was found at the local courts

A fitting end, since he was terrrrrific at sports.

Immediate suspects were Newt the Gnu

Elmo the Elephant and Katy the Kangaroo
Rounded up and taken down to the station,

Each rival questioned in this investigation.

His dying thoughts scrawled at he end of his life

Were of Jr, Antoinette and his adoring wife.
He dreams for them to meet a happier fate,
And wishes their remaining days are grrrreat

Cold, Cold Serial Killer Claims Another Victim

??????? - (1963 - 2013)

Our hero met a doom none could forsee

While sailing into the tempest tossed sea.

Sharks surrounded his naval ship

And the crew feared if would be their last trip

Bravely he offered himself as bait
And that is how he met his untimely fate.

At last, when the waves finally downed,

His Napoleon blue hat was all they found.

His accomplishments too long to list,

Horatio Magellan will surely be missed.

Cold, Cold Serial Killer Claims Another Victim

??????? - (1960 - 2013)

He was known to follow his nose, wherever it goes,

Unfortunately it led to his final repose.

While vacationing on a tropical atoll

He failed to smell the arsenic laced bowl.

Who knew that such a sweet, fruity scent

Would cause so many to mourn and lament.

He news of his death proved quite a doozy

To each nephew: Puey, Susey, and Louis.